Dead Man Walking: Through the Valley of Death

2024-08-23 · Ho Chanh Nghia

Originally published on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/dead-man-walking-through-valley-death-khanh-pham-zaw5c/

Dead Man Walking: Through the Valley of Death

In 1997, I gave a speech on Nature vs Nurture, as child. To this day, I still have no alterations to the truths set forth by that child. When they say the child is the father of the man, that child was the father of this man in many senses of the word. Man is a product of both nature and nurture. Constantly in flux as to what will dominate the development of the man.

When I was born, I was like those cups. Just floating along the river of life. however, my parents were starving and so was I. Both of them had served under the US colonization of Vietnam. My mother worked for the Embassy, my father was a platoon leader for the Vietnamese Army. Faith would have it that I joined for my own desires and circumstances. I would soon master my job and led my team like the world leader that my training had groomed me for. Like my father, and mother, I was abandoned by the US military and government. Unlike my parents, the people I want dead are not the national enemies, but all those domestic enemies who betrayed me, and my nation.

Life’s infinite paths has never been clearer. In the darkness of sleep, or in bright daylight, the path remains unchanging. When the love of life, and the fear of death converge against an enemy, life became such a simple road. And all these was a result of nurture.

As a child, all I wanted was to gather all the knowledge of the world, live forever, and read all the books in the world, and know everything in the world. All that living, has created a change in that curious child. Life have created a curious man with a thirst for vengeance. And curiosity took a deep dive into violence, torture, pain, suffering, and revenge.

Each step I take, is another step that I could be bitten by another snake. With each pain, I have to decide to continue or give up now. With each bite, do I want to dedicate your life to killing that snake, or to continue walking another step further. Each day is another arduous grind, to take one more step, upon a road that has no end in sight, while snakes are waiting to bite you at every step of the way. All I know is I am going that way.

It is okay if my wife does not want to come with me. It is alright if my parents want to let me travel alone. Everyone pursue comfort to a level they are happy with, and then they will want to stay there. They are happy. Comfort is the mother of stagnation. And there’s nothing more uncomfortable than seeking justice in a world of injustice. Some would argue it is suicide to be speaking of justice in a time of injustice.

Prompt: A lone, contemplative man, silhouetted against a vibrant sunset, stands atop a massive rock overlooking a vast sea of fogs. The fog gleam in the fading light, creating an otherworldly, slightly unsettling atmosphere. the man is at the center of the painting. 1/3 up from the bottom. and the sky occupies the top 3rd. the lines of the mountain and rocks below the man, all converge at the man. the lights of the mountain all move the viewers to the center of the image. the man starring over a sea of fog.

During one of my days as the man with the thousand yard stare. I doubt anyone under such emotional state would be aware of their condition, they would just have enough labor to try not to stop breathing. But friends would complement on the new look. While visiting an old friend in Ho Chi Minh city, I looked through some of her books. There’s a large set of 26 books on the theory of nothing. So I read while I waited. This friend has a habit of meditating one hour every morning before doing anything, so I had much time to read each morning. I read about nothing.

You can read your copy here: most of the modern version are truncated from the original draft.

Bát Nhã Ba La Mật Ða Tâm Kinh (thuvienhoasen.org)

New Heart Sutra translation by Thich Nhat Hanh | Plum Village

One of the lines that I took and made it a core tenet of my own philosophy was the condition set forth by the author, the Buddha. He said that before I set forth on this journey, to become enlightened, I should be aware that there is no such thing as enlightened. It bothers me greatly, that I could not understand why the fuzzy logic. Which sound mystical, but this is the same thing you must accept in mathematical concepts.

After more than 100 years of debate featuring the likes of Einstein himself, physicists have finally offered up mathematical proof of the third law of thermodynamics, which states that a temperature of absolute zero cannot be physically achieved because it’s impossible for the entropy (or disorder) of a system to hit zero

To apply this to truth and justice is not too hard. Truth is as infinite as justice is infinite. To pursue truth while knowing you may die before you get there. To pursue justice knowing you will die before seeing it. Is like planting trees to provide shades that you will never get to sit under. Why do something so anti capitalistic for someone who grew up as a capitalist? Maybe it’s a sense of gratitude for the trees that were planted by dead men long ago. What better way to say thank you to a man, than to carry out on and continue building his dream?

When I die, I think there will be others, who will continue to plant trees. Because they too understand that the people of tomorrow will benefit from it. and find enough happiness in that small knowledge to continue the work.

There’s a story about the time Ho Chi Minh was fighting the US like Gaza is today. As a resistance force wearing flipflop fighting world class Sparta, they were constantly on the run. Not so different from George Washington. To survive, the resistance always needed food. Everywhere they go, the first priority is to plant more rice, more vegetables.

One day, they were forced to evacuate because the location is compromised. Ho Chi Minh was still planting seeds. One person asked, why are you still planting the seed, when we’re leaving tomorrow. Ho Chi Minh said, “We will not be here, but someone else will have rice to eat.”

I have to ask, what was my father fighting for. What was I fighting for. What are my enemies fighting for. Why fight at all. A large part of this is, no one fought for me as child. no one fought for me as a man. I wished someone had protected me as a child, when my aunt beats me for hours for something I did not do. I wish someone had protected me as a man, when my country wanted to hang me for what I did not do.

Some people wonder if I have encountered some trauma to wish for power to change the world. They may be mistaking me for the hurt puppy they rescue from the animal shelter. Who knows. What I do, and why I do them is a bit more complex than an animal biting because it is hurt.

By 3rd grade, I already witnessed the stabbing of my Cambodian classmate in a room full of Vietnamese. 5 boys held down this minority and drove a pen through his hand. I could never remove that image from my mind. For unknown reason, I never wanted to be a part of that majority, but wished I could have acted instead of just watched in hopelessness. By 5, I already witness my cousin fighting a group of other boys. I jumped into the fray, and started throwing punches wildly, but apparently these bullies follow a strange code of ethics. It’s okay to bully and punches their own size, but none wanted to punch a 5 years old. by 7, I already knew what it was like to be beaten for hours on end until I admit to guilt or get beat again.

So when the White Supremacists in America was psychologically torturing me: hoping for a mistake in behavior to hang me with. As the fabricated story of SSgt Pham fleeing to China to sell national security secret was just not holding water; I failed to shoot myself like TSgt Clark, or goes on a shooting campaign like Christopher Dormer.

While you will not find any news about the yearly deaths of the active duty US Air Force working out at Patrick AFB. You can find other news of other events. My specific case is unique in its own way, but it is related to other events like Edward Snowden, and the naval yard shooting in DC. Edward Snowden - Wikipedia Christopher Dorner shootings and manhunt - Wikipedia 2009 Fort Hood shooting - Wikipedia.

While each event are disconnected. The cause and responses of each person is unique. One can be certain though, that a happy family does not have members trying to kill each other. One can easily point and say, there’s something not right about this location here.

The US of A.

What the A stands for is going to be decided by historians.

While I am not exactly dead, I am not exactly alive either. Some veteran call it dysfunctional, but I dislike the term. I am fully functional, just not as ordered. I am also fully capable of deploying military equipment and contractors to any location on Earth.

If you got the money, we got your disease. Welcome to the jungle baby!

Created in Nam, groomed in the USA, serviced jungles around the world

https://youtu.be/o1tj2zJ2Wvg?si=q_bl_VdigGyGEgcQ